I Could Not Hold My Tears Any More

Ahmad Naqib- newly born baby 23.03.11

While writing, I am sobbing, weeping. So sad.  I love him so much. We love him so much. But, by next week we have to say good bye. Seven days are coming up too fast- 'piercing my heart' and my wife's heart, broken.

Tell me who has got the strength not to cry?  I believe they are many out there, but not me. Not my wife.

From the day he was born, we were together. Day by day we try to understand each other. We learn how to compromise, to be tolerable, adjusting each other egos . Most of the time, I proudly admit that I have to put my hands up, surrender. He is so powerful. I am at his disposal, any time. I love to be one, happy and enjoyable. 

He is learning a lot, accumulating each passing day the traits of surviving in this world, very fast, especially in pronouncing and understanding of words and body language. He is a bilingual boy.  

Naqib- nine months old

Next week, no knocking door.  No more greeting  'syalam alaikum' (assalamualaikum- peace be upon you), of course with his beautiful slang. When I slowly open the door no one there standing and smiling, and quickly offer his hand to be firmly gripped,   together we walk to the tv room. 

Next week? Not any more. Sad. Sob. 
      

Naqib , mum , dad and tokpa in Singapore Zoo

I am counting days. Next week I will be in Melaka, in my house together with my wife. Not here, Saujana Aster. We  are 'finishing up' our duty by next week.

We will be lonely, longing our boy Naqib, my play mate . 

We play a lot of games. The toys game, the jumping game, seek and hide, and  'on your mark get set go' game to mention a few. The game he likes very much is the 'on your mark get set go game'. But he has his own rule. No body can protest even the referee has no say. Naqib has absolute power to over rule.

It goes this way. His grandma or nenek (my wife) is automatically selected as a starter, his mum and dad are the spectators/cum referees and I am a 'target' at the finishing line. He is a runner, a lone runner. So that's fix. No bargaining for changing of roles. Everything dictated by him.

Beside become a target at the finishing line, I am instructed not to put on my shirt, we called it 'bogel'. I sit at the finishing line without shirt on waiting obediently.

The running track is set from the door (entrance to the house) up to the tv set which is approximately 20 feet in distance.
 
Once he is ready at the starting point, he will ask nenek to declare the game is on by saying, "on your mark get set go". Remember, only nenek can utter the words, no one else can. Otherwise he considers  it invalid. If it is so he will not run because we did not adhere to his rule. Got to say it again by nenek. Of course by his order. And he smiles because everybody is under his command.

He runs towards the finishing line with his eyes on me. Once he reaches the line and found the target, he taps my back with his small soft hand. I have to do some acting, by exclaiming 'aduh sakitnya' (it's so painful) and make my self lying on the floor as a result of his tapping.  He loves it. And we all join him laughing together.

But mum and dad as spectators must not fail to say " Good boy. Akib  strong. Akib run so fast". Then Naqib will run to the starting point again for another run. And all of us will repeat the same action. 

For how long the running competition will end? As long as he wants it .

But I am pretty sure I enjoyed it very much. Something I will miss in Melaka.

Naqib and cousin Yousef on the top floor of  Tower 3, Marina Bay Sands, Singapore

We were here at Saujana Aster on the 18th December 2011. It means more than one year we have been here, looking after our grandson, Ahmad Naqib since he was nine months old. Now Naqib is approaching to two by next week, his second birthday, and our 39th anniversary.

Naqib and nenek

Naqib , Yousef and tokpa

Naqib in a racing car

Naqib was born on the 23rd of March 2011 at Pantai Hospital Air Keroh in Melaka, about half a kilometer away from our house. From day one Naqib and his parents stayed with us. Then on the 18th December in the same year we moved out from Melaka to Putra Jaya because Naqib's mum  is working at the Putra Jaya Hospital. 


Before we leave for our home next week, some adjustments have to be worked out to orientate Naqib to familiarise him to the new 'environment'. Environment without the presence both of us.  So do with the parents. 

Now, Naqib is  more with the parents than with us.

So for the last few days,  his mum and dad take over our job. Today early in the morning at 7, his mum send him to the nursery. We hope everything is all right- safe journey and she is on the right route to the nursery. That is my worry, my concern.

Why should I? She is matured enough to take the responsibilities. She is a doctor. Why unnecessary worry?

Anyway, she is  my daughter. Naqib is my grandson. 
  
I have received no phone call. No news is good news. She is all right. So does Naqib, I hope. Don't cry baby, be strong.

"Tokpa and nenek also must be strong". I look around. I see no one. It's me, inside me.  

When tears come down
like fallin' rain 
I walk around
And call his name
Naqib.......Akib tokpa sayang Akib. Nenek sayang Akib.

I could not hold my tears any more.